How to Spot a Covert Narcissist

How to Spot a Covert Narcissist

Learn how to identify the subtleties of covert narcissism.

The term ‘covert’ describes something that is secretive, not readily apparent, or intended to be discreet. In the context of narcissism, covert narcissism (also called vulnerable narcissism) refers to narcissistic personality traits that are not readily apparent.

Covert narcissism is one of two manifestations of narcissism, the other being overt (or grandiose) narcissism (Rose, 2002). There are many similarities between overt and covert narcissism, but there are several important differences as well. Let’s briefly explore the defining characteristics of each expression of narcissism.

Overt/Grandiose Narcissism

Overt narcissists are more easily identifiable and better understood by both researchers and the public. Below are a few common traits of this manifestation of narcissism:

●     Overconfidence

●     Manipulative tactics

●     Sense of superiority

●     Charm

●     Strong desire for power and status

●     Attention-seeking behavior

●     Self-absorption

●     Antagonism

●     Entitlement

●     Need to feel special

Covert/Vulnerable Narcissism

Like overt narcissists, covert narcissists are self-absorbed, entitled, antagonistic, and manipulative, and they possess a strong need to feel special. However, there are other traits that are specific to this expression of narcissism. Below are a few commonly observed characteristics of covert narcissism:

●     Anxiousness

●     Pessimism

●     Shame

●     Sensitivity to the opinions of others

●     Social inhibition and lack of self-confidence

●     Insecurity

Traits of a Covert Narcissist

Now that we have explored the difference between overt and covert narcissists, let’s dig a little deeper into what covert narcissism looks like. Below are some examples of behaviors and characteristics commonly associated with covert narcissism:

Victim Mentality

Covert narcissists tend to adopt a victim mentality and frequently cast themselves as the injured party in various situations. They may constantly seek sympathy and attention for their perceived suffering.

Manipulative Dependency

Covert narcissists may appear helpless and dependent on others for support and validation. They may use their apparent vulnerability to elicit caretaking behaviors from others.

Passive-Aggressiveness

Instead of directly expressing their anger or frustration, covert narcissists often resort to passive aggression. They may make veiled criticisms or engage in subtle acts of sabotage.

Inferiority Complex

Covert narcissists often feel deeply insecure and may harbor feelings of inadequacy. They cope with these feelings by seeking reassurance and admiration from others covertly.

Idealization and Devaluation

Similar to overt narcissists, they tend to idealize people who provide them with narcissistic supply (attention, admiration, validation) and devalue those who do not meet their expectations.

Lack of Empathy

Covert narcissists may struggle to genuinely empathize with others’ feelings and experiences, as they are primarily focused on their own emotional needs and desires.

Martyr Complex

They may play the role of the martyr, making sacrifices for others and expecting excessive gratitude and admiration in return. This behavior can create a sense of indebtedness in others.

Envy

Covert narcissists often feel envy toward those they perceive as more successful or accomplished. They may covertly compete with or undermine these individuals.

Control Through Guilt

They may use guilt as a means of controlling others. They may make others feel responsible for their emotional well-being or use guilt trips to get what they want.

Boundary Violation

Covert narcissists may have difficulty respecting others’ boundaries. They may intrude on personal space, emotions, or relationships to satisfy their need for attention and validation.

Manipulative Pity

They often manipulate situations to gain sympathy and pity from others. They may exaggerate their problems or create crises to elicit help and support.

Covert Narcissist Tactics

As previously mentioned, covert narcissists are strongly motivated by their need for approval and validation. To satisfy this need, they will employ self-presentation tactics. Self-presentation tactics are a two-component process of impression management that involve conscious or unconscious actions to control the way one’s self-image is conveyed to others (Hart et al., 2017). These components include impression motivation, or the desire to control how they are perceived by others, and impression construction, or the behaviors they use to cultivate or defend the image they want others to hold of them.

Self-presentation tactics can be divided into two categories: defensive and assertive. Defensive tactics are used to defend against threats to a preferred self-image. For example, if you wish to be perceived as infallible, you might make excuses to defend against the threat to this image when you get something wrong. Assertive tactics are used to construct a desired self-image. For example, bragging about winning a fight might be an assertive tactic someone who wishes to be perceived as dominant might use.

Self-presentation tactics are employed differently by overt and covert narcissists. For example, overt narcissists tend to rely more heavily on assertive tactics while covert narcissists are more inclined to use both assertive and defensive tactics (Hart et al., 2017). Specifically, covert narcissism was found to be strongly related to the following self-presentation tactics:

Assertive

●     Enhancement: advertising and/or exaggerating the value of accomplishments or material possessions

●     Ingratiation: flattering, agreeing with, or helping others in order to be likable

●     Entitlement: actively taking credit (particularly undue credit) for positive outcomes

●     Blasting: speaking negatively of other people to look better by comparison

●     Supplication: presenting as weak in order to elicit sympathy from others

Defensive

●     Excuse-making: refusing to take responsibility for negative outcomes

●     Justifications: denying the severity or extent of undesirability of negative outcomes caused by their behavior

●     Disclaimers: making statements that will lower expectations prior to a performance

●     Self-handicapping: creating identifiable obstacles that will limit chances of success so they cannot be blamed in the case of failure

In Sum

Covert narcissists are similar to overt narcissists in their self-absorption and entitlement, but they possess personality characteristics that make them more challenging to identify. They tend to be hypersensitive to the opinions of others, they often feel inferior, and they can come across as shy. They tend to use manipulative tactics in their interpersonal relationships in order to meet their need for validation and approval. It is unclear why some people exhibit covert narcissistic tendencies, but research suggests that parenting style may account for the development of the personality characteristics associated with covert narcissism.

References

●     Hart, W., Adams, J., Burton, K. A., & Tortoriello, G. K. (2017). Narcissism and self-presentation: Profiling grandiose and vulnerable Narcissists’ self-presentation tactic use. Personality and Individual Differences, 104, 48–57.

●     Rose, P. (2002). The happy and unhappy faces of narcissism. Personality and Individual Differences, 33(3), 379–391.