How to Deal with Self-Centered Individuals

How to Deal with Self-Centered Individuals

Let’s explore the nature of self-centeredness and the impact it has on our lives.

Self-centeredness is a personality trait or behavior characterized by an excessive focus on oneself and one’s needs, desires, and interests, often to the exclusion or neglect of the needs and feelings of others. Self-centeredness is associated with egocentrism (excessive interest in yourself) and materialism (Dambrun, 2017).

Self-centered people tend to prioritize their wants and concerns over those of others, and they may display a lack of empathy, consideration, or understanding toward others’ perspectives and emotions.

Causes of Self-Centeredness

●     Loneliness: A study indicated a feedback loop between loneliness and self-centeredness. When you’re feeling lonely, the drive for self-preservation increases. In addition, self-centeredness appears to increase loneliness. Thus, researchers suggest that addressing self-centeredness could be an effective strategy for reducing loneliness (Cacioppo et al., 2017).

●     Depression: Depressed individuals often withdraw from social interactions and may become more isolated. This withdrawal can lead to increased self-focus as they may ruminate on their negative thoughts and negative emotions. In addition, depression can make it challenging for individuals to empathize with others because they are preoccupied with their own emotional pain. They may have limited emotional energy to consider the feelings and needs of others.

●     Low self-esteem: Paradoxically, individuals with low self-esteem can also exhibit self-centered behaviors. They may constantly seek validation and attention from others as a way to boost their self-worth.

●     Environmental factors: Growing up in an environment that fosters self-centeredness or values materialism and status over empathy and compassion can contribute to self-centered behavior. Peer pressure and societal influences can also play a role.

●     Cultural and social factors: Cultural norms and societal values can shape individual behavior. In some cultures, competitiveness and individualism are highly encouraged (ahem, like in the United States), which can promote self-centeredness. Likewise, the influence of social media, where self-presentation is often exaggerated, can reinforce self-centered behaviors.

Self-Centered Behavior

●     Constantly talking about themselves: Self-centered individuals tend to dominate conversations, frequently steering discussions back to their own experiences, achievements, or problems. They may show little interest in what others have to say.

●     Lack of empathy: A self-centered person often struggles to empathize with others. They may not understand or care about the feelings, needs, or concerns of those around them.

●     Seeking attention: Some self-centered individuals crave attention and will go to great lengths to be the center of it. They may interrupt conversations, exaggerate their accomplishments, or engage in attention-seeking behaviors.

●     Difficulty sharing: Self-centered people may be unwilling to share resources, time, or credit with others. They may hoard possessions or take credit for group achievements, ignoring the contributions of others.

●     Insensitivity to others’ problems: Self-centered individuals may downplay or dismiss the problems and challenges faced by others. They often believe that their issues are more significant and deserving of attention.

●      Lack of consideration for others’ time: They may disregard other people’s schedules and commitments, expecting them to be available at their convenience. This shows another way they’re only thinking of themselves.

●     Unwillingness to compromise: In personal and professional relationships, self-centered individuals may be reluctant to compromise or accommodate others’ needs and preferences.

●     Ignoring boundaries: They may disregard personal boundaries and invade others’ personal space, privacy, or emotional boundaries without hesitation.

●     Shallow relationships: Self-centered people often have superficial relationships because they struggle to form deep connections with others. Their focus on themselves can make it challenging to build meaningful bonds.

●     Materialism: Having a strong focus on obtaining material possessions is highly associated with self-centeredness (Dambrun, 2017).

Dealing with Self-Centered People

Dealing with self-centered people can be hard. Here are some tips:

●     Talk to them: Many people don’t realize what they’re doing. Letting them know how their behavior is affecting you could help, and they may even be appreciative if it’s done in a non-confrontational way. Maybe something like: “I feel like our conversations are often focused on you, and I’d like it to be more balanced.”

●     Understand their perspective: Try to empathize and understand why someone might be self-centered. Sometimes it’s a defense mechanism or a result of past experiences, or it was what they saw from their parents growing up. Or maybe they’re going through a tough time. Knowing the root cause can help you approach the situation with more compassion.

●     Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries for yourself. Let your friend know what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not. Be firm but polite when communicating these boundaries. This will help you communicate your needs during interactions with the person. And if that doesn’t work, it may be time to withdraw from the relationship (Cleveland Clinic, 2021).

●     Limit interactions: You may not want to cut this person out of your life completely. After all, most everyone has some good qualities. But it might be a good idea to limit the amount of time you spend with this friend (Cleveland Clinic, 2021). Small doses might be best. Listen to your gut reactions. If an interaction is starting to make you feel crappy, get out.

In Sum

Self-centeredness is a common human trait, often driven by our innate survival instincts. However, when taken to extremes, it can have detrimental effects on our relationships, personal growth, and overall well-being.

In our individualistic culture, it’s easy to fall into the trap of self-centeredness. Yet recognizing and addressing this trait is essential for personal growth and healthier relationships. It’s okay to prioritize self-care and personal goals, but it’s equally important to strike a balance and consider the impact of our actions on others. Ultimately, embracing empathy and mutuality can lead to a world with compassion and understanding, which also contributes to your own happiness.

References

●     Cacioppo, J. T., Chen, H. Y., & Cacioppo, S. (2017). Reciprocal influences between loneliness and self-centeredness: A cross-lagged panel analysis in a population-based sample of African American, Hispanic, and Caucasian adults. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 43(8), 1125–1135.

●     Cleveland Clinic. (2021, November 4). 3 tips for dealing with self-centered people. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-to-deal-with-selfish-people/

●     Dambrun, M. (2017). Self-centeredness and selflessness: happiness correlates and mediating psychological processes. PeerJ, 5, e3306.